4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize