Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
