Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize