hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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