I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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