There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
