How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
