rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
