I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
