no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
