It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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