I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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