Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
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