He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize