If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
