This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
