fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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