How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
