We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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