My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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