ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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