Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
