Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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