so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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