That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
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