She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Success! We fucked roommates!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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