I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
only you would photoshop your dick
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
