i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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