I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
