hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
my shit smells like andre
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Randomize
