I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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