Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize