I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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