Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
