nut hugger
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
