shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
