You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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