You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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