John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Ketchup is God's man juice
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
