Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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