just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
