she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
