you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
