Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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