hotel room ftw
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Damn victory sex feels great
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
