Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
