Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
