I love black thongs
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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