it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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