Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
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I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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