Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
