I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
