Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
