I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
