her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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