She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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