New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
This baby is an asshole
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
