i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
