Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
