i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Princesses don't give blow jobs
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
