i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
i think my cat just said my name.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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