there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
