We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
