THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Mom said you looked used
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
