Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
