She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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