How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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