God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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