GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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