Fine. I'll sleep in my office
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
